Where is my home?

I'm sitting here on a Monday morning enjoying my last full day in Copenhagen. The city I called home for 12 years before leaving for Los Angeles 6 months ago and also the city where I've spent most of my life, where I got my education, where I got my first job and the city where I met and married the love of my life.

A few nights before leaving Copenhagen back in July I took a head dive with a couple of good friends at 4 in the morning from one of the bridges in Christianshavn into the lovely canals - if I tried to do the same thing now I would break my neck on the thick ice covering all the canals and lakes in Copenhagen. Right now the sun is shining outside the windows of my mothers apartment, but in just a few hours it will be dark again. Darkness and freezing temperatures serve as constant reminders of why my wife and I wanted to leave this country in the first place and take our chances in another part of the world.

In the few hours of daylight it is extremely beautiful here, but that doesn't change the fact that depression has been sneaking up on me from constant underexposure to sunlight. And from having to deal with the fact that this place is no longer my home, a fact that didn't really strike me until coming here for Christmas. I haven't really felt homesick at any point while living in Los Angeles, but my wife has, and we've had many conversations about coming back "home" and what it would be like to meet family and friends once again, but I wasn't really prepared for the emotional impact of it. One of the first days in Copenhagen my grandmother came to visit us in my mothers apartment. She told a lot of stories from back in the days, one of them being of Uncle Jens who left for America a long, long time ago. He only visited Denmark once after leaving for America, and he didn't come back until after his mother had passed away. When he originally left Denmark his mother had looked so sad standing on the pier as he sailed away, and he couldn't bear to have to witness that again.

Today the world is a lot smaller and hopefully my own mother won't look as sad as Jens' mother when I leave knowing that she will come to LA to visit us in the spring. Also the wonder of Skype gives us many an opportunity to speak face to face to friends and family and Denmark. My twin sister finally has a decent webcam so I can get to say hello to my 2 adorable nieces from time to time. I met the youngest one Ida for the first time in real life, and the 2 year old Sif was unbelievably adorable when she kissed me goodbye yesterday. When we left in the summer she refused to kiss her uncle when her mother asked her to, but this time she did it without being asked to do it. Way to melt the heart of Uncle America ...

So being back here has meant a lot to me. I have new memories to take back with me and I have finally realized that my new home is all the way across the Atlantic ocean and the American continent. A good friend of mine who has a lot of experience in moving around the world told me, that it typically takes a good 6 months before you settle into a new place, and I guess that's the truth. With just 1 day left in Copenhagen my wife and I can't wait to go back home. I came to Copenhagen with a vague idea that I was coming home, but I realize now that I came as a tourist, and I will be leaving a tourist to go home tomorrow.